To Hell and Back..

It's hard to believe it's been over a year since this hellish situation started. To give a brief background, I have seen a therapist for 5 1/2 yrs now to deal with some childhood issues. Well, my youngest stepdaughter, Ch, was seeing a therapist. We didn't like her, and so was looking for another. My therapist said she didn't normally deal with children, but she would see her. So things were going okay. Well, Ch's father and I have issues. So in order to try to maintain "family harmony" the therapist asked if he and I would come to a session together. I agreed. Nothing came out of it, except that he said that Ch had asked to try and live with him. This was Dec. 2004. Needless to say, I was floored. She had never mentioned it. Supposedly, she was scared to tell her mother. So I had to go home and tell this to Carla. She talked to Ch, and Ch was really wishy washy about it. So finally the ex came over and Ch was made to sit in front of both of them and say what she wanted once and for all so that we stopped having the "he said, she said" game. So she said she wanted to try living with her dad. Carla asked for how long. Two months? No, Ch said "not THAT long". So it was agreed upon that she would go for a month. There was lots of hurt feelings and crying. Ok..so the month is over and everything is okay. Well, a few months later, the ex calls the therapist (what the fuck right did he have??) and said that Carla said Ch could choose where she wanted to live for the school year. The therapist agreed that she remembered that conversation. Neither Carla nor I remembered it, but we were sure that something was said and taken out of context. So now, Ch is presented with this choice. So one day after the therapist, Ch says to Carla "I'm probably going to stay with you". Carla and I are happy and relieved that this is over. So..the NEXT week..after a weekend with her father..we get a call from the therapist. Ch has decided to live with her father for the school year. WHAT??!! You could have knocked us over with a feather. We were devastated. I told Carla not to let her go..that she had been manipulated by her father. See, Ch is a very immature girl. At the time, she was 10. She has always been a very needy child. She also has low self esteem. She is a follower. Easily swayed and manipulated. She was getting ready to enter middle school. I told Carla that Ch was too unsure, and went back and forth, and that I didn't think she really knew what she wanted. But Carla wouldn't listen. She felt that by giving her a choice she was enabling her to learn from her experience. Plus she said if it made her happy, then it was the right choice. I told her that this was going to destroy our family. I felt very hurt that for the last 5 years, I had been raising this child, but I now had no say in what was going on. So around August or so, we went ahead and had her go to her dad's. I wasn't going to deal with her giving me attitude because she knew she was going to her dad's. By this time of course, I was pregnant, and Carla assured me that once the baby came, I would not be so upset and worried about this situation. It took me a while, but I adjusted and started looking forward to our new arrival. Carla also let Ch know that at the end of the school year, she would need to decide where she wanted to live permanently. So we settled in for the school year ahead. TO BE CONTINUED.....