And then back to hell again...

So the school year started. Ch entered 6th grade. I was upset because we always do first day of school pictures and she wasn't there that first morning. So I compromised and picked her up that afternoon, and we all went to dinner and did pictures of the kids outside, as usual. The girls' great grandmother had started this, and I continued the tradition, even before Jacob was in school. Things went okay, and I tried to stop being so resentful. October rolled around and Cadence was born. Surprisingly, Ch adored her. In my naivete, I thought maybe this would make her want to return home. Christmas rolled around, and I had a hard time spending on her what we spend on the kids. I didn't see the point in spending so much money on someone who wasn't around. Occasionally we would ask her if she knew what she was going to decide. She'd get upset and cry and whine "I don't know." In the meantime, I continued to see my therapist (who was the same as Ch's). I was so pissed off because when this happened, she basically told me that what I felt or thought on the subject didn't matter because she wasn't MY child. Well that hurt me to the core. Carla had put me in "mom" position and given me her kids to raise along with my own. The therapist, who we'll call Deb, said that I could feel hurt, but that it really wasn't my place to get so irritated. The first report card rolled around. And let me tell you, I wanted HIM to fail. Not for Ch to fail, but for him to get the same crap from her that we did. More background: Ch is diagnosed as ADHD..something I had pushed for. As a teacher, I could see the attention problems she was having. The doctor recommended meds. for her, and we agreed. It made a world of difference. She went from failing, to A's, B's, and a couple C's. This was about 2 yrs ago. We had her further tested for learning disabilities. Well, it came back that she has a language processing problem. So, basically she has a learning disability..but because of the ADHD, they won't classify her. So instead, she got a 504..which is just a document that allows her to have special modifications. Anyways..once she got to dad's, he took her off meds. His excuse? She didn't need them anymore because she wasn't living with ME!! Can you say "denial"? So the first report card rolled around from living with him. She did very well. I was a little peeved, and of course, he thinks he's just so great. As a teacher, I know that the first quarter is usually review. So I figure we'll see how well he keeps up with it. We still got called for a conference for her. She is in extra classes for reading, math, and writing. According to one of her teacher's, her reading comp. is at the 2nd grade level. Yet, her father doesn't think she has a problem. So anyways, I am fuming that he has undone all the work I've done to try and help her. The next report card comes. She dropped significantly in several subjects. But no one, including her teachers, seem concerned. Carla and I are irritated, because we don't want her to fall into a hole. Amusingly enough, Ch has also started to show the same patterns of behavior: forgetting homework, leaving assignment books at school, etc. The ex is beginning to realize that it's not so easy. Of course, unlike us, they baby her, and treat her like she's 5. I complain to Carla that she is never going to learn responsibility and that she's going to be unprepared for real life. She refuses to listen to me, and thinks that this is a lesson that Ch needs to learn on her own. Soooo, as the months pass, I see changes in Ch. She has become more defiant, more full of complaints, and puberty is also starting to set in. I can't stand how she treats my son, J, most of the time. The relationship between her and her older sister, which was not great to begin with, is GONE. C views what Ch did as a betrayal to her mother. I don't see that relationship ever getting fixed. And I wonder how Cadence will view her...a part time sister? A stranger? Now fast forward to 3.5 weeks ago. Although Ch originally was supposed to make a final decision at the end of the school year, we had asked her to have a decision by May 1. She takes karate and that is when the contract has to be re-signed. So she was here that weekend, and I reminded her that the next time she came (which would be almost a month, because of our trip to Hawaii) that she needed to have a decision. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders. Later that day, her grandma was out walking with her. She asked her if she knew what she was going to do. Ch told her she didn't know. So later, when talking with my MIL, she said "I don't think she really knows what she wants". We had also told Ch that this time, we wanted her to tell us the decision. That it would not be a conversation that happened in the therapist's office. We didn't want that because we felt that her father manipulated the situation before she went into the office. Carla even told her she could put it in writing if she needed to. Well, this same weekend, her and J were outside playing. Next thing I know, J is screaming, and comes into the house with blood pouring from his head! Ch's story is that they were throwing sticks at each other. Well, while that may have been true, any other time she tattles on him. No, instead, my son has a hold in his head (a small one) and he is bleeding. I was furious. Out of anger, I said "I don't want you here anymore". In hindsight, it wasn't the most brilliant thing to say, but I was so upset. Little did I know that it was only the beginning.