The Therapist

So, a few a you have mentioned the "conflict of interest" with the therapy situation. I have to say, that out of everything, this is my biggest regret. I am the one who brought her here. At the time, it didn't seem like a problem. Only now, in hindsight, is it the biggest mistake. I really should have pulled her out of this therapist when Charlie got involved. But I didn't. Now it's too late. They are the ones who take her each week. Even if we told him to stop taking her, he wouldn't. All I can hope is that maybe once he decides he has "won", he will want to stop taking her. The therapist would have served her purpose. I did, however, go and talk to the therapist myself. And I was angry. Oh, and for those who said that Carla should be able to show her anger..according to Deb, the therapist, anger is not an emotion. It is only a cover up for sad or scared. The therapist doesn't see any problem with what she did. I told her how we told Ch that we didn't want this done this time in Deb's office. Well, since we didn't tell her, she said, she didn't know, and therefore made the call to Carla. She says that she only did what Ch wanted. As far as the whole saga, she kept coming back to one point: Carla gave Ch the choice. She said Carla was the parent, and in that respect, she didn't have to allow Ch to make the choice if she wasn't comfortable with it. I told her that Carla felt pressured, and that Charlie had twisted and manipulated things. Again, she said "Carla gave Ch the choice". I told Deb if we had our way, Ch wouldn't come back to her office. I'm sure she doesn't see it as a conflict of interest. I think it's more of a conflict now than before. She couldn't understand why I was so upset. She doesn't see it as losing a part of our family. She again talked about how it wasn't fair to show such anger to Ch because she was a child, and only did what Carla allowed. I tried to explain how we felt betrayed because of how Ch went about it..lying and then dropping this in our laps out of the blue. She asked if I wanted to come in with Carla. I told her Carla would never step foot in her office again. She asked what I was going to do now. I said I was just going to live my life. She asked "don't you want to try to be happy". When I said I had tried, she asked what I had done. So I blurted "5 1/2 yrs here for one thing!" She said "I don't have a magic wand that I can wave over you and fix what's wrong". She says I hate Charlie because he represents someone from my past. How about I hate him because he's a manipulative asshole who wasn't happy until he got out of paying child support by destroying our family? Guess that's not enough. Well, when the session was up, I basically just got up and walked out. She didn't say anything. I never said in so many words that I wasn't going back. But I guess she got the hint, as she didn't call the next week to see where I was. I wanted to tell her not to even ask Ch about our family..to leave us out of whatever crap she was trying to accomplish. I blame her for not telling Ch that she needed to talk to her mother. She enables her to hide and not have to take responsibility for her decisions. Everyone knew about this before us. The girl is 11 yrs old, and Carla has never given her any reason to fear her. She voices her opinion and gives us attitude about everything else..but she can't do this?! I told Carla I wish we could find another therapist for us and Ch. On one hand, I want to just wash my hands of her. On the other, she is our child, and I don't want to watch Carla and her relationship slip completely away. I mentioned that Charlie walked out on his mom to live with his dad at 14. Well they still barely speak, 22 yrs later. I just don't know if another therapist would be counterproductive. I know one thing...if we ever do decide to go to a therapist with Ch, it will be with explicit instructions that the ex is to have no part of it at all, nor will he be allowed to call and dictate what's going on. Friday is the first day I will see Ch since this has happened. I have no idea how I'm going to react. We are getting family pics done this weekend. Call me childish...I don't even want her in them. I'm just sick over this, and can't imagine a time when it will be better.