It's all my fault

That's what the ex says. He called Carla today to give her the "head's up" that she will be served with papers to change custody. We knew it was coming. We just didn't know when. In all honesty, neither of us see the point in going to court. We haven't bothered him about it, and he still, magnanimously, wants to pay 1/2 of his child support, because he "has an obligation" to his other daughter, C. Whom he still hasn't called after she hung up on him. I'm sure he just wants to make sure Carla can't change her mind at a later date. After the Mother's Day fiasco, Ch wanted her mother to take her to lunch. She only wants to see her mom, according to Charlie. Well, even putting me aside, is it right for her not to see her other family members? Her sisters, her brother? Or does she not even consider them her family because 2 of them are mine? He told Carla that she doesn't like me and that I play headgames with her. He says she doesn't like calling the house because of me either. I haven't even talked to her on the phone before yesterday. And I barely said anything to her! He basically said that if I weren't here then she wouldn't have left. It's devastating to me to hear those things. He also blames me for C not talking to him. She's 14 years old! She has a mind of her own. Now a lot of it could be just him. But I know from some of the things he said, that she is also feeding into it. So is it her running home to run her mouth, or is it him eliciting information and her feeding into it for attention? The note I wrote her? She either told him about it or gave it to him. After I specifically asked her to leave it here. When Carla went to the therapist with Ch regarding "the decision" Carla asked her if it was me. Ch said no. Carla asked if I left would she come back. She said no. The therapist has also said in the past that it really isn't me. That it's just easier to blame me because I'm not her mom. She has talked about not liking the stepmother to us as well. Carla told Charlie that. He doesn't have anything to say about that. Carla told him that when all is said and done, she's lost a daughter and so has he. He says it doesn't have to be that way. But why should Carla make time for her alone when she is so blatantly turning her back on the rest of us? And the way he has handled this has totally turned C off. She doesn't really want anything to do with him. How ironic that in the past, I told her that she HAD to go to her dad's because it had been a month. It just nauseates me to be the whipping post. I have decided that my only defense mechanism is to be angry. Angry that she's blaming me for something that's not my fault. Angry that is is dividing our family. And angry that she is hurting Carla this way without even a single bit of concern. Anger is better than being hurt. So tomorrow we go consult with the lawyer to see what we're in for. Carla doesn't want to sign over custody for at least a year. Mainly because of her back and forth decision. Carla has told Ch that she needs to be here the next weekend. That will be our sit down talk with her. I'll get to say my peace, and Carla will be laying down the facts: that if Ch is going to continue to alienate her family, and treat us with disrespect, then she is not welcome. That she should not come on weekends until she decides she wants to be part of our family. That doesn't mean that she move back in..just that she treats us with respect. Maybe it sounds harsh. But the turmoil she is causing is tearing us all apart. I'll be glad when it's all over. Then we can move on.