The Little Girl Who Cried Wolf

I thought it was over. Ch was here for the weekend and said she wanted to live with both her mom and dad. We asked her several times if that was what she really wanted. We asked if she was going to change her mind once she went back to her dad's. She told the therapist that she wanted to live with both of them. The therapist called and told her dad. Then she went home and told her dad. He said no. We thought that because she told us, the therapist, and him, that in court, it would hold up. That we would alternate weeks. I thought that finally we could move on. That this was a good compromise. That maybe if we could all work together that she might even come home permanently one day. I was finally feeling good about this. And this was all after finding out that it really was my fault that she left in the beginning. So finally, I felt like we could make amends. So Charlie called Carla today and said they needed to talk. They met for dinner, with Ch. She started off saying she wanted to live with both. Then she was wavering. At the end, she refused to say anything. Carla told her that since she couldn't make a choice, that she was taking her back home with us. Carla put her in the car. The child threw an absolute hissy fit, screaming and kicking "I want my daddy". Did I mention that this reversal came after going back to his house, and him being home half of the day with her today?? She was opening the door after the car started moving. So Carla took her back to him. They have agreed not to change the custody papers, but that she will stay there and can visit Carla whenever she wants. Funny also how we have a pool and they didn't, but after mentioning how she wanted to swim, a new pool appeared in his yard just today. I am completely and utterly devastated. I feel like someone has ripped me apart inside. I thought she was really telling the truth this time. I am just shattered. I am sure Carla feels that she is doing what's best for Ch. But can anyone tell me that it doesn't seem like this child is being brainwashed? Or that she says whatever the person she is with at the time wants to hear? That she isn't confused? She always changes her mind after being with him. At this point, I never want to see her again. I hate her. She has done nothing but rip this family apart and manipulate everyone. As someone told me, this child has been given entirely too much power, and is using it to just tear everyone apart. I don't want her here anymore. And I'm sure that sounds selfish. But I just can't take this pain anymore. She got my hopes up yet again, and once again she has destroyed me inside. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Guess that makes me the world's biggest fool because this is about the 3rd time she's done this. I know she is Carla's daughter. And I treated her as mine too. All I get in return is punched in the gut. I want to hurt her. I want her to feel like I do. I'm sure in time I will lose some of this anger. But I don't think I can ever forgive her. Right now, I just want to leave. I don't want to be here anymore and have to deal with this emotional turmoil. I just want to take my kids and go. Sometimes I wish I had never met Carla. Then this wouldn't have happened. Some people say that it would have happened no matter if it was me, or someone else. But it is ME. And I am the one who has to feel like I cost her her daughter. I just want to crawl into a hole somewhere. This is why it's hard for me to care for people. I don't want to care about anyone anymore. It sucks. I hate Carla for allowing this to happen. I hate myself for caring so much. I'm done feeling. Life's better when you can't get hurt.